I’ve lost too many friends and family over the years and the pace seems to be increasing. I guess that happens the older you get. I’ve been thinking about what they would say if I asked each of them: Should I do this? Should I do that? Each time I see one of their faces in my mind and ask them, my brain, my gut my soul all knows that they will say: DO IT! DO IT NOW! And if I reply with doubts on money or time or support from friends they would all say.. maybe in different ways… but they would all say: “Screw it, screw them, find a way, do it, because when it’s over its over.” I’m sure they all made mistakes in their lives that they wish they could change, but in the core of it all finding our joy is the most important thing. Because, when we find or joy we inspire the joy in others. The dreams we all have seem a little more attainable when others achieve their. When we achieve our dreams and are happy in our lives we are also more prone to help others, to pay it forward. I have learned that even though you have helped others in the past that doesn’t mean they will repay the favor and that is a hard lesson. However, when we give gifts that’s what they are, gifts and if we are expecting to be repaid then we should not give them. Trust me though, when you really need support monetarily, but mostly emotionally and the people you are closest to aren’t there, it hurts, a lot. Everything in life is a lesson. When a disappointment happens that always makes me work harder and prove people wrong. Then I when I accomplish it I admit, and this is probably bad … I know it’s spiteful I say in my head: “Haha mother f’ers… not helping your ass ever again”, and then instead of worrying about others I take some time to worry about myself, and make my dreams a reality.
There are lots and lots of people that think I’m nuts with my parties and my projects and the things I post on my Youtube channel and Facebook and sometimes I question it. But then I ponder what those I have lost would tell me, the dreamers and even the conservatives; Butch, Stacey, Danny, Lauren, Abby, Stuart, My dad, all my grandparents… all of them. They would say “Screw em’… follow your dreams… go sky diving, open a business, raise kids, go on the roller coaster, participate in a protest, join the roller derby, ride the horse, buy the confetti, love the world.” We are going through some crazy times and I just read a meteor could kill us all next month, so what are we all waiting for? Don’t get stuck on all the bad in the world and find a way to make it better. The easiest way to do this is finding your joy!
Vanessa Bednar 
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