Thyroid update… and it’s not depressing… its a good one.

Since my last Thyroid post a few weeks ago when I got sick for cheating on my meal plan with sugar and wheat I have been 100% diligent…. borderline crazy nut bag.  I have NOT wanted to get sick again.  I am sooo sick of feeling like shit.  I have been following my “new agey” guys meal plan and not wavering.  I have decided to make this post NOT about what I can not eat, but what I can eat!… See happy happy!  When I got sick and that included just over all fatigue and feeling like shit.  I didn’t want to get out of bed. I lost everything in my intestines. I was depressed and afraid to eat anything or take any of my medication including the thyroid medication from my doctor and this new agey Potaba treatment. So for a week I did not take ANY medication or vitamins. I just needed to get my stomach back to feeling like it had not been through a meat grinder.  I took a deep breath and read for the thousandth time what I could eat and started my journey AGAIN.  Keep in mind the first time I went to every store, including Whole Foods, walked down every aisle, looked at all the ingredients in everything I thought might be possible. I thought I could get away with “organic sprouted wheat from ancient grains… or agave syrup….. I CAN’T.  When I originally started this I detoxed from sugar which wasn’t fun.  It was like a cleanse…. again my poor intestines… I was told I couldn’t have agave, but I did anyway for my birthday… and there was a lot of it in the cake.. It was too sweet even for my taste… but I just had to have it!…. Stupid.  My body couldn’t handle it… there went my intestines AGAIN….. there went a week of my life suffering.

So here I am again… starting over.  I was afraid to leave the house because what if I needed to eat.  There was no quick fix at McDonalds then my blood sugar would get all funky and then there goes the next couple days.  I had to start a new habit….. prepare food ahead of time and bring it with me…. So now that’s what I do.  Even to a tree lighting ceremony yesterday, I brought a huge container of my pond scum:) Got that term from my friend Trisha… That’s what her relatives called her drink when they made fun of her.  I like it.  So below is what I eat now on a daily basis. … and damn it… I hate to admit it…. but I feel good…. I am even back on my thyroid medication and the Potoba treatment ( I am careful when I take it though.  I have to have a lot of food in my stomach.), I am taking my Iron and Vitamin D, and I am taking my Prozac AKA Flouxatine.  HOWEVER, I am taking much less of it now.  Only 20mg compared to 80 mg one point in my life.  See my depression, worries and OCD might (probably) have had something to do with my thyroid / my Hashimoto’s disease.  The ups and downs of my low/ borderline thyroid levels were giving me ups and downs with my moods…. Pretty damn simple concept to me… don’t know why NO DOCTOR ever had thought about it.  My thyroid was just always being “watched”…. take some iron… have some prozac…. it’s not technically in the low range that the insurance companies make up.  Now I seem like a conspiracy nut bag…. and again NO DOCTOR ever tested me for Hashimoto’s disease….. I can not believe how many people will talk to me now saying they have it or know someone who does.  How did I not know about this 20 years ago?  Ok.  I’m going to go make some Buckwheat pancakes with blueberries and then tell you what I eat day to day. Oh and I have been sleeping less…. A LOT less… and I have A LOT more energy…. I climbed on the roof yesterday and cleaned gutters, sealed holes, and trimmed trees for goodness sake…..

*** Oh AND my poop is finally how it is supposed to be.. solid and dark. (when it is dark you know your body is getting a processing enough iron… or thats something like what I was told by the new agey guy)

BREAKFAST

In the morning, when I do my own version of getting up with the kids at 7am I “try” to take my Thyroid meds ( Levothyroxine and Liothyronine) These are “supposed” to be taken 20 minutes before your eat anything.  It took my stomach a while to get used to.

First I will eat my cereal… yum… If I am poor it will be “Bobs red meal” organic buckwheat creamy cereal.  It costs about $7 for 18 ounces, but you only use 1/4 cup at a time so it lasts a long time like a week or two.  I put that in the microwave for 2 minutes with 3/4 cups of water and a big handful of frozen blue berries…. seriously I could not live with out the blueberries.  I buy the huge frozen bag at Costco.  Its like $15 and it last me a good week or two.

If I am cash rich I will have fancy cereal from Whole foods.  I can only have two brands there… or anywhere really.  One is called Go Raw.  It’s Gluten free, wheat free, soy free, sugar free, nut free.  Its like $12 for one pound.  Lasts me a few days.  It does expand a lot.  I eat that with unsweetened Almond milk.  I can also have the brand Qi’a which has Chia, Buckwheat, hemp and dried cranberries and almonds.  It is $8 for 8 ounces and lasts me 2 days.  It does expand.

I HAVE TO EAT LIKE AN HOUR LATER

Then it is Buckwheat pancake time. I finally figured out a recipe that works for me.

heat pan on medium heat with butter and a lot of frozen blueberries

Whilst that is heating up mis ingredients: This makes 2 big pancakes.

1/2 coup organic Buckwheat flour

3/4 – 1 cup almond milk

one egg

1 tbs of coconut oil

one squeeze of liquid Stevia ( I use stevia and monk fruit- could be cheating)

pinch of salt

like 1/2 – 1 teaspoon baking powder

more blueberries for second pancake

sometimes I add pure dark baking chocolate.  It is not on my not eat list so I may or make not be cheating.  I don’t care.

I hope Im not forgetting anything.

Poor some in the pan.  Move the blueberries to make sure they are in the middle.  I goof around with the flame.  Sometimes it is medium, sometimes low, depends how it is cooking.  Don’t want it to burn, but don’t want it to cook forever.  NOW… I like a lot of blueberries therefore sometimes my flipping is unsuccessful and it turns into a pancake scramble, but I don’t care.  It tastes the same.  For the second pancake the blue berries should already be in the mix when you poor in.

Now I eat these with lots of butter.  I do because I can.  I love butter.

LUNCHISH

Quinoa ( a make a lot and keep in fridge) with chicken broth and spinach or broccoli or Eggs and bacon (technically Im cheating with the bacon. or if someone makes it for me… a salad

SNACK AKA POND SCUM

Get out the blender.  coconut water, spinach, kale, carrots, blueberries, beens, green apple, whatever I have lying around.  I make A LOT of it and carry it around with me….. shockingly I am NEVER hungry.  This has been a life saver.  Never thought I would do it.

Now when Im full in the afternoon Ill take the Potaba I am supposed to ( I still have a couple weeks left of that treatment) and iron and vitamin d

ANOTHER SNACK I HAVE BEFORE OR AFTER DINNER

raw dried coconut with pure dark baking chocolate, and my chocolate protein powder with enough water to make the whole ting like pasty.  The only protein powder I can have is on line, Whole foods or at GNC: Sun Warrior warrior blend.  Again, gluten free, dairy free, sugar free.. blah blah.. made with like pea protein and shit.. and they use stevia…. its a little too sweet for my taste but I use it.

Oh and I can have fruit… any kind of berries, green apples… some other shit  I also found toasted hemp seeds at Whole foods that I like.

DINNER: Im usually kind of full, but I will have something of what the family has.  Ill have some steak or chicken (its supposed to be ground up because of my low stomach acid levels? so I chew it a lot), veggies like broccoli or beans or such… if I need some carbs I do some quinoa.

I have always not liked to eat after 6pm, but now I sometimes do.  Ill have some of the above mentioned cereal with almond milk.  Sometimes if I wake early in the am ill have the hot buckwheat with blueberries.

Ive been going to bed so damn early… my night owl self is gone, so I dinner is like my snack.  After I eat I take my other dose of Potaba, More Iron, and 20mg of Floxitine.

There you go.  I’ll let you know what my blood levels are after this Potaba treatment os done…. Hopefully it helped the Hashimotos.  However, I think the diet has been the more beneficial than the Potaba or the Thyroid meds.

Oh and water… I am “supposed” to be drinking Alkaline water (research it).  I get it for free at my new agey guys place.  I bring water jogs.  However, I have not been very diligent with that lately as I have been busy and I am going out of town, can’t bring it on the plane and I “highly doubt” the suburbs of Chicago and Milwaukee will have it….

The end.. for now.

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I made it into a BLOCKBUSTER before they closed and on THE PYRAMID….. both life long dreams… what have you ALREADY accomplished? Bask in it:)

I had to stop being sick and get my ass in gear to clean my house after 24 hours because I was having people over (the cast and crew of the webseries I was in, Involuntarily single..yeah).  It was rough.  I could have stayed in bed for days. Saturday night I had a serious plan if things got bad to just call the ambulance because I knew if that came I wouldn’t have to wait in the waiting room.  Anyhoo… noon on Sunday I got my ass out of bed and cleaned my damn house and it was shitty dirty…. My house looks so good even after the party I just wish it would stay this way…. cue kid destruction and my using 20 glasses a day habit because of my imaginary mouth germs.  When I was in bed and when I was out of bed cleaning I thought about a lot of shit and when people came over I LISTENED… A LOT.  Unless I would be asked a specific question I would ask others about their lives and at one point we went around the room with everyone answering the question if they could make or be in one one project what would it be?  What is there dream?  Some people were SO specific……I mean they had thought about this shit before A LOT…. some people said stuff their partner was unaware of.  I gave my standard response of ” I just want to work”…. ” If I said “Do you want some coffee?” every day on set I could live just fine off the pay and the residuals.  I really have got in the point of my life of living int he NOW.. the present.  I know I bitch and complain about my health and money and other shit.  However, I really am happy with where I am in my life.  I feel like I have accomplished a lot.  I feel fulfilled.  I mean I DID make it into a Blockbuster before they closed all the stores down…. (Childhood dream)… or (Adult Dream). … AND ON THE PYRAMID  as a contestant (HUGE DREAM)….. Even a few moths ago I had lists of things I needed like new pictures, or updating my reel, getting stuff done for my book (testimonials, website, blog, agent, publisher, book cover), food for my new diet, Sedonas ballet classes, postcards, should I do workshops, get a part time job…more auditions…. blah blah…  I don’t have a list anymore.  There is still stuff that needs to be done, but I know it will in time.

Listening to my friends at the party I know they have lists of things they want to do.  I know some are stressed in their life and feel like need to accomplish so much more.  I also felt some felt a need to change themselves.  They don’t.  There is only one of them.  They are unique.  Capitalize on who you are.  Don’t change who you are.  I know I am fabulous, but even I doubt who I am and stuff I have done occasionally .. mostly because a couple people like to pipe in that Im doing it wrong and to take some stuff off youtube or facebook.  Then I have to think about it…… and I usually come up with NO….. This is who I am.  I don’t think who I am is going to cost me any more jobs than I would have not gotten or even been in the running for anyway.  If anything who I am will get me more jobs because people know who I am, what I am capable of, and how to find me….. Google baby….. I tag myself in everything I do. Yes, auditions have been slow for me, but I know my agent and managers are good because my son gets lots:)  I did doubt myself with my book and I still get overwhelmed with all the stuff I need to do, but I did it.  I wrote it. I paid a wonderful professional editor to edit it.  It is done.  This is what it is.  Now if a publisher picks it up and I have to do a rewrite I will take into account all the notes from various people I have received, as they are all great notes and I am thankful they took the time to read my book and write them.  However, for now.. this is it.  Like it or don’t- read it or don’t.  I wrote the book I wanted to write and it has helped not just me, but my family and I know it will help some other people out there if only a small demographic.  I can’t get much more authentic than my book, my youtube videos, my blog, or my Facebook posts.  This is who I am.  Show the real you.  Be confident in yourself.  People aren’t looking to hire needy people for their projects.  They want to come into a project that is already great. IT IS GREAT as long as you put the time in and YOU think it is GREAT.  YOU ARE GREAT JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.  Put your true self out there and people looking will find you…. And that means…. put yourself out there so people can find you.  They won’t know who you are if you keep it to yourself on the couch.  You have unlimited tools in your fingertips with Social media…. use it.

Some times you need to quit…. Just for a minute or two……

On Saturday after I “played” a madam…. (really I am an actor) I got really sick.  My body had had it.  It had had it with the “special” Iron Supplements, Vitamin D supplements, Thyroid medications Levothyroxine, Liothyronine, Potabo, Flooxitine, Clozepam, Benedryl, hormone cream for the AM, hormone cream for PM……. No Gluten, No Sugar, No Wheat, No Rice, No tomatoes, No soy, No eggplant…. TOO MUCH Quinoa. My stomach and my liver just couldn’t take it anymore, so I quit.  I stopped taking everything, broke down and had some salmon and broccoli (which is on my list of good things to eat I have just been too lazy to cook it) and went to bed for 24 hours.  I really had no choice in the matter.  My body wasn’t moving.  The granola I had brought with on the shoot had sugar in it and just wacked out my body as well.  I honestly just didn’t know what to bring with me to eat.  When I could tell my body was not having it with the gluten free granola I had an emergency run to Burger King for some protein and just ate the meat from the chicken wrap and the whopper…. damn I ate a tomato too. When you are detoxed from sugar and then binge on it… not good.  I am also not supposed to have Agave Syrup and had a piece of cake on friday that was gluten free, wheat free, dairy free, but it had agave and a lot of it… 2 hours later find me in the bathroom. So on Saturday afternoon my body had had it.  For 24 hours I had a lot of time…to think…. cue my next post because this went in a completely different direction that I planned.  This is a shit fun post.  However, I know I need to start over…re access my body and what I can eat and what cooking skills I need to acquire.  I need to get out of the box, but I also need to limit all this other shit I am putting in my body.  I know the potaba treatment is supposed to realign my body and help/ fix the Hashimotos disease, so I am expecting some side effects, but I don’t want to kill my liver doing it.  I know it was not good.  I was peeing clear… and my poop…diarrhea then yellowsih white film…. not a good sign… I am going to call the doctor after I have some chicken broth and quinoa:)……restarting….I am feeling much better.  My pee isn’t clear anymore.:)

The (partial) Cast and Crew Of Involuntarily Single

The Cast and Crew Of Involuntarily Single

I am so proud of this project!….. I wrote this a WHILE ago and it applies to this. THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING YOU CAN BE DOING ACTORS!!! And it will most likely lead to something else!!!
Attention all actors: Unless you have an agent, a manager, a publicist, an attorney, a maid, a chef, and a guy that drives you around town from one job to the next, …….if a friend or legitimate normalish person asks you to be in their project fuckin do it even if its for free. As long as its not like porn ( unless that’s what your in to…)……its not going to ruin an image you don’t even have. Plus its called being versatile. Its called “acting”…..stop being a diva and lazy….be grateful and working. You never know other projects it could lead to. Get off the couch and stop your bitching there is nothing out there. …… cause…..THERE IS.

Power isn’t worth the Pain it can cause

I was an annoying child/ teen.  I used to get mad and frustrated when my parents used to take me to the bank every Friday and there was a line.  I would just be steaming.  It was not fair that I had to go and it wasn’t fair I had to wait in this stupid line.  Every time I went to the store I HAD to have something or it was a crisis.  I never threw a tantrum, but I was visibly PISSED.  My mother never gave in.  I never had to get pissed with my grandmother.  She took me shopping every week and I always got something.  Even if we just scoured the sales racks at Carson’s and JCPenny.  I got something.  I had lots of toys.  I had lots of clothes.  When I was a teen I would pout to go out with my friends.  I got into a phase that I would be bitchy to my friends too if I didn’t get my way.  To be bitchy and then get my way felt powerful.  I liked it.

Getting my way all the time pushed me more to get more.  When I finally pushed to hard and my dad said no and we had the first of the fall out that lead to his death I lost my power.  I lost my need for it.  After I left and he wouldn’t let me back in all I wanted was forgiveness.  For months my only goal was forgiveness and to be let back in to the life I had.  When he wouldn’t come in the room to sing Happy Birthday to me on my 16th Birthday my mind flipped a switch and I went back to wanting power.  I wanted to destroy him for not forgiving me.  I was horrible and mean and did not listen.  I came and go as I pleased.  I disregarded my mothers curfews.  I just didn’t care.  What more could they do to me?  I felt powerful again.  I went to school some days and somedays I didn’t.  I took the truck to go see my boyfriend after school and on the week ends.  I felt I was on my own.  I really didn’t care how much I was hurting my mother and if my father didn’t care about me why should I about him.  Somedays we would talk and somedays we wouldn’t.  Some days I cared about him like on Easter when he just sat at the table and didn’t eat.  just staring…. after I tried to talk to him.. tried to break through…. I couldn’t… I knew something was wrong… but what was really going to happen?  After Easter my mom got us to goto the mall together.  Our last mall trip.  After that day I looked in his check book and he had written closed in it.  He had spent all the money he had left that day.  I still have the outfit I got from Express.  Again our truce didn’t last long.  When I was home one day from school “sick” he asked me to go out to lunch and I refused.  He had accidentally let our dog down stairs and he could have hurt my bunny that I was letting roam around.  I was FURIOUS.  I said HORRIBLE things.  I WAS MAD.  Over an accident I was IRRATE.  I can’t even imagine Sedona talking to me like I talked to him.  When my mother got home it got worse.  I was screaming and at some point I LIED…. I lied about something he said.  When I did it I knew I went too far.  I did have a conscience in there somewhere.  I felt the twang, but I didn’t take it back.  I WON…. WHAT DID I WIN?  He left for three days then came home, hung himself and set our house on fire.  My mind has hidden that lie to me.  I couldn’t even remember it it right after he died.  My mind shut down. I won….  I won the prize of losing EVERYTHING.  I won losing my family, my father, my best friend, the man I used to run into his arms and promise me to never leave me.

I don’t ever want to be powerful again.

I had a friend about 12 years ago that used to get mad at the smallest things.  Cut off in traffic, her hair not perfect, someone took her sock.. whatever.  I never got mad at stuff like that.  I still don’t.  She was having a fit one day crying in her bed and as always I tried to calm her down.  She screamed at me what was wrong with me… why don’t I ever get mad?  I had never told anyone about my dad since my move to LA.  I did that day.  I told her that those little things just don’t matter.  I don’t get mad at stupid little things like that.  I lost everything for getting mad and lying.  She just got quiet processing the information.  I left.

Even today I don’t get mad if I’m cut off in traffic or my order isn’t right. I didn’t even yell at the hair guy last year that put bright red streaks in my hair.  I just left.  I don’t understand how people get so mad about little things like coffee, or if someone dents their car, or bumps into them.  If a baby is crying on the plane I just think “Thank God that’s not my child… been there, that poor mom.” When the doctor just did’t care that I had Hashimotos disease this week because it was the same treatment as low thyroid I didn’t get mad at him.  I will still go back.  I explained what I learned and maybe he will learn if this Potaba treatment works from the “new agey guy”.  Now I got mad when I got home and read more about it.  But I felt more of a betrayal from EVERY doctor I have ever been to.  I don’t get mad if the kids get bad grades.  I know they don’t want to.  They try harder.  I don’t get mad if the internet is slow or if someone writes a check at the grocery store or if I have to wait in a long line.  I know someone in particular that gets LIVID!!! That pisses me off.

What do I get pissed at?

With Hawaiian Tropic if a guy was being a douche bag to the girls I would go ape shit crazy.  If a creep touched a girl …forget it…. I would get right in his face and have him kicked out; If the girls were late I would get mad because it wasn’t fair to the girls that were on time; Girls that just wouldn’t show up, as that would hurt the event; Girls that got out of control drunk or did inappropriate shit I would kick out, as it hurt the image. Ha, I actually got mad a lot when I had that job.  I think it was mostly because I would try so hard and work so hard to make people happy, but I just could never make everyone happy.

So apart from Hawaiian Tropic….. I get mad at what I think are REAL issues. I get mad at people being mean to the homeless, war, famine, people getting bullied, guns, rapists, pedophiles. I can’t watch the news.  I get too upset.  It stays with me and I can’t fix it.  I do get mad at my neighbors dog barking.  That pisses me off.

What is my point to all this?  I think people waste their energy getting mad over stupid things like traffic or someone bumping into them.  Why don’t they get mad over things that really matter like how many people are getting killed in the numerous conflicts around the globe or human trafficking or pedophiles getting less time in jail than pot smokers or the children in your town you know don’t have food or heat?  Those are things to get mad at.  People get mad because it makes them feel powerful.  ” You screwed up my coffee order! FIX IT” and the timid clerk behind the counter does….. You won… more power for you, but you left that clerk feeling like an idiot the rest of the day. Trust me when I say that power really isn’t worth it.  Find the power in helping people…. not hurting them.

When my dad killed himself I never got mad at him.  I only got mad at myself.  I still can’t harbor any hatred toward him.  All I feel for him is empathy and sadness.  Be careful with your words.  Words to me can be like a dagger. I can take things very personally EVERYONE can……even that poor clerk behind the counter that screwed up your coffee….. maybe even for the 2nd time.  Maybe when he gets yelled at he just shuts down.  It physically and mentally hurts him.  Cuts him like a knife.  Let pedestrians have the right away even if it make you late to yoga. Let the guy merge in even though YOU KNOW he could have merged earlier. Give that homeless person you see every day a damn dollar or a bottle of water or a blanket.  You don’t know their story.   Be thankful that isn’t you. Maybe no one ever in your life ever helped you with anything…. SO WHAT… help someone else.  Change the world.

Thyroid…. Hashimoto’s disease…. If you are tired all the time it might not just be your “mood”

I am feeling betrayed by every doctor I have ever been to….. I’m very unsettled and couldn’t sleep last night…. Nothing really I can do. I usually don’t lash out unless I’m in a huge fight with my husband or someone I know is being victimized or hurt. ….. then I am a crazy bitch…. I never got mad at my dad for killing himself. I took my part of the blame in it…. I hated myself. I am soooo mad no doctor since I was 20 ever tested me for Hashimoto’s disease even though my mother, and BOTH my grandmothers have thyroid issues and had to have surgery and still take medication. I guess I just have to use my words and speak out about this….. This new diet I’m on… the thyroid medication… this experimental new agey Potaba that the new agey guy has me on that he claims will help stop the Hashimotos… or help it… I don’t remember. Not much info on that treatment… well any really on line… If you have any of these symptoms below DEMAND that your doctor does a blood test for Thyroid Peroxidase (TPO) and Thyroglobulin….. My doctors response of “it really doesn’t matter what the test result is, the treatment is the same” is not true. Mine could have been caught much much early…. Maybe the depression I can get is not just in my mind, but has SOMETHING to do with my thyroid. I was never put on Thyroid medication and it was always just watched because my levels were “borderline” (coincidentally my DR. did start putting me on Thyroid medications this year because I my levels weren’t improving.) However, according to what I have found about Hashimoto’s is there is more that can be done and a higher dosage is important. FYI: Another sign of Hashimoto’s is low Iron and low Vitamin D which AGAIN, I have always had. I don’t necessarily blame the DR….. He was just going by what he was taught…. What is being taught obviously needs to be updated. Eastern and Western and “New agey” medicines/ natural treatments MUST find a way to be mixed and learned together.
FROM THE NET:
WHAT ARE SYMPTOMS OF HASHIMOTOS? For many, the symptoms are silent–the early stages. But eventually, you start to notice the same symptoms of hypothyroid, including

poor stamina (YEP- ME)
easy fatigue (YEP-ME)
depression (YEP_ME)
feeling cold (YEP_ ME)
gaining weight – (when I was pregnant yes… 70 pounds, I’ve had to watch what I eat)
dry hair and skin (YEP-ME)
lowering of voice (I wish)
constipation…etc. (YEP)
(also low iron and low Vitamin D)
As it progresses, you may feel very hypo one day, and very hyper another, (YES… WITH OTHER THIS IS MISDIAGNOSED WITH MANIC DEPRESSION) which is caused by the destruction of your thyroid. More symptoms include:

diarrhea
anxiety or panic
fidgetiness
problems with either heat or cold…etc