Downsizing…. Going from 6,000 square feet to 1,488

In 2010 I downsized.  I went from a house that was continually added onto until it was almost 6,000 square feet to a house that is 1,488 square feet.  Initially I didn’t care. I just wanted to get off that mountain and moved back to Los Angeles, right in the heart of Los Angeles, right where I always wanted to be.  Four years later…. and I am still happy to have shed that almost 3,512 square feet.  My kids will tell you they miss their rooms that were four times the size of theirs now.  My daughter misses her walk in closet….. now she shares one with her brother and half of the coat closet by the front door.  Heck, I’ll admit I miss my walk in closet.  I had one custom designed myself with 50 custom shoe cubbies.  My closet even had a couch in it.  Its close to the size of my bedroom now.  My daughter had nine years in the big house and she has had four years here.  I think I would win the bet that declared that I have seen her more in these four years than I did with her in those nine years, and that of course included her baby years.  In the big house everyone had their own space and they hid.  We all watched way too much TV.  We spent too much time with out the family.  We would go up on that mountain, find our corner and zone out. Plus, we had so much stuff and so many places to put new stuff, we were drowning in stuff.  We NEVER threw anything away. These past four years we really have engaged in life and each other.  WE CAN NOT HIDE!  Now sometimes it’s a bad thing, but most of the time it is a blessing. The stuff?  We don’t have a lot.  We just don’t have room.  Stuff constantly has to be gone through.  We don’t have a basement, or attic and the garage is not an option.  It is very freeing.  It is much less stressful.

The cleaning…… I would spend hours… days cleaning the big house.  It was never ending.  Now in this house… well I hardly ever clean.  I just don’t feel a need to.  I try to keep everything put away.  If I have a party it can be cleaned in 3 hours max.  No carpets, no big furniture to dust. If I just spent 30 minutes a day tidying it would be immaculate…. But I dont do that… but I could!  I love my house.  I love my little garden,  I love my life.  I love living where I live.  I love seeing my kids ALL the time.  Downsizing was a gift I gave to myself.

This Night Long Ago

On this night long ago a soul went into the skies
On this night long ago tears soaked the eyes
And Angel got wings
A bell ringed
A dove flew in the night
Prayers went out for safe flight
Many mourned and many grieved 
For endless days of strife that would never leave
Sadness that will never go
Stays in the hearts of friends below
A mothers love will always hold dear
The hand print left on a window near
Never will you leave our hearts 
Of those that loved you or knew you not
Please stay beside her and hold her near
Be there in silence through pain and fear
Always show the one who gave you life that you are there each rainy night
She looks above deep in the light for you her lost, her love, her life
Always she will keep you dear
For that you never have to fear
All life that she had given knows the power of her love
You strengthen that from heaven above
Not a day goes by your family does not miss
your gentle smile and your laugh of bliss
Keep laughing in their ears and smiling in their dreams
We will meet again when our yellow balloons touch the sky
and we know you will be awaiting us with light in your eyes
-V

When you know you are exactly where you are supposed to be… a poem by Vanessa Bednar

I found this in a notebook.  I wrote it about two years ago maybe? When I really thought a lot:) I think I used to be much smarter.  This shit just poured out.  (unedited; Im sure its not in any kind of proper form.

When you know you are exactly where you are supposed to be.

Amongst the tall and shuttering trees.

Amidst the leaves and falling grass.

Amongst time stuck in its path.

Come fight for freedom, fight for love… of those before you and above.

Live for today and tomorrow too.

Amongst the light shining before you.

When you know exactly where you are supposed to be.

It hits you like a flash and forces you to see.

The sparkling grass and cloudy shores.

Have gone before you through open doors.

Break away the sash and rip off the keys of loves locks into thee.

When you know you are exactly where you are supposed to be.

When time stood still and lit the trees.

With blazing fire and stallions steed

Sundering the stars and mystics need.

Raise up your glass and turn and chase

Midnights glory in dusty seas.

Life is for the living or is it still one that is true yet misunderstood?

Are we living or are we dead

Said those who are living yet drowning in dread.

Live one more day.

Live one more life.

The two the same in each others lives left.