This is probably THE BEST thing I have ever read about grief and loss, and I’ve probably read hundreds of books and articles and such. I’ve been struggling a lot with this lately and I said to a friend TODAY that is going through a hard time: “Most things happen for a reason”. I really mess with my brain and try to figure life out constantly. I’m not any closer than when I started. I have a whole ying and yang problem….. Because I am a coincidence junkie…. And magnet…. All the time crazy shit happens; like me telling my friend a couple hours ago that “most things” happen for a reason and then finding this in my news feed. Or scrolling through my news feed and an actor pops up that I’ve worked with once the exact same time he’s shown on the TV show I’m watching for a split second. For me coincidences tell me that I am on the right path in my life. However, I do not believe that everything happens for a reason and this can bother some of my religious friends. I do not believe everything that happens is”God’s Plan”. If you are religious you know that God gave us the power of choice…. Meaning…. We can chose wrong. I believe we all have a sixth sense and we all know the golden rule and the difference between right and wrong ( now granted some people have extreme mental issues and don’t know the difference, but that’s another subject). I also do not believe that any child was “supposed” to be taken by God. There is no way God could be that cruel. A nun actually told my friend who lost a child moments after that she could “Always have another one”…. To me that nun was Satan and I could have killed her right then and been completely justified. There is NO WORSE pain than losing a child. I would not wish that pain on my worst enemy…. And I haven’t even felt it… But I’ve seen it. I have been through a lot of loses and the only ones that don’t bother me are when old people die…. I can go along with God taking them and that being his plan. It’s natural part of life. Going back to “Some times we just choose wrong”; we do… And sometimes that causes death… Texting while driving, bullying, gun violence. We need to take responsibility for when we do choose wrong. And we need to let people grieve BUT BE PRESENT when they are getting through a loss. This writer was spot on. “We learn to carry the loss”. I have had a life I never would have had if my father wouldn’t have committed suicide. I became many different people, travelled all over the world, did things I never would have had the courage to do. Plus I’ve helped people… Lots of them…I know it in my heart. However I also hardened and became reckless and it’s something I’ve really had to watch to protect myself so I don’t do something too stupid, die, and leave my kids like dad left me and ruined my life. The nightly nightmares. The constant wondering Why? And the survivors guilt is happening for the reason of me trying to figure out how to carry the load… Carry on…. But it is NOT God’s plan. I have to find a way to live with the fight my father and I had 3 days before he died. His suicide was his choice. He was the parent. There was something wrong with him. However, I have to learn how to carry the load and I will never say my father ending his life was “God’s Plan”. That was my father’s CHOICE. That was the free will God gave him. Just as it was my free will to lie and pick a fight with him…… But when I go back to my beliefs in coincidences…. They just can’t be shrugged off… So maybe I see them when I am choosing right…..
Every loss is NOT Gods plan. Best thing I have ever read about loss -Tim J Lawrence