Yes I have my tubes tied! THAT’S NOT THE POINT

Yesterday I found out that due to a cyst getting bigger I will probably have to have an ovary removed. However, to me, this is no biggie. It’s just an ovary. I have two. What did get to me was the conversation that followed. I have written recently about my biological clock ticking and how in the back of my mind I could still pump out one more kid. It was a punch in the gut to be told yesterday I probably won’t ever feel another babies grow inside me. Basically, my time is up…
Nine years ago when my son was born via C section I had my tubes tied. Actually, it was more like they were cut and then burned shut. Like when you burn a frayed rope to keep it from unwinding. I saw the smoke. The tubes were definitely closed for business. I knew I could only handle two children at that time, and I wanted to do my part to limit the world population… Two parents….two kids. The nurses even asked me like 6 times if I was sure. I had t to sign numerous releases. I was SURE. The doctor asked me ten times, right up to the actual snipping. I was Annoyed! I had made my decision. However, I made my decision knowing “someday” I could do in vitro if I really really wanted a another kid. They could suck the eggs out of my ovary and squirt em back in my uterus after fertilization.
Being told yesterday that not only do I have to have one of my egg makers removed, but in vitro will only “maybe” work for another year because I have hit the age maximum was a shocker. Welcome to 40…I am old… Hope for grandchildren now. But, it’s more of a feeling of loss. Like something was taken away from me. I took making life for granted. I donated my eggs twice… I got pregnant so easily. It is now over… Now what? Mind as well take both ovaries now. Who cares?. And if ONE MORE PERSON says “but your tubes are tied?”…”why are you so upset?”….THAT’S NOT THE POINT. That was my choice. I knew I could always do in vitro. My ovary is not just being taken.. So much more is gone…. Forever…. And I don’t choose it.

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About Vanessa Bednar

I am an actor, a writer, a mom, an adventurer.

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