Truly me

I am not even close to kind of normal, “perfect” will never be one of my traits. I have more days where I am like an emotional rollercoaster than anyone else I know. No one may notice….. But trust me, its in my head. About a week ago I blogged on my depression, now I could blog about being happy. I can have extreme highs and lows, which is probably a touch of hereditary bi-polar depression. I know when I am low….and it is PAINFUL to crawl my way out of it. When I’m too happy I know I annoy people. My goal was to be right in the middle, but I think I secretly like who I am.
Who I am….. I read an important blog on a woman happy with exactly who she is today. It was quite powerful. She dismissed someone’s asshat’s opinion of her that she was dating. It made me think… I have to ROUTINELY dimsmiss people’s opinions on some of the things I do. It’s always the people you are close to that feel comfortable enough to tell you something right to your face, or roll their eyes at you, or demand you change something about yourself. I CONTINUALLY seriously listen to their opinions, think about it, and then just stick to my guns. (Unless I am hurting someone/ am wrong). I know soooo many people that put on different faces for different people. I can see it because I used to do it, thinking different faces would make different people happy. Now, I’m sure I still do it a little…..don’t want to shock the president right away when I meet him:). I can play normal! However, it’s just too tiring to try to make everyone happy all the time…..and IMPOSSIBLE.
I find that since I’ve really let go and really been me, just throwing it all out there….. Not only have I increased my friend base 1,000 fold, but more and more opportunities come to me because people know what they are getting. I’ve typecast myself as myself, and I love it. I have more support now than I ever have, even if some of that support questions things I do, they are always still there. Plus when I do stick to my guns and am RIGHT, it’s a tiny bit FANTASTIC to say “Hmmm…how bout that 😜?”.  I had an amazing opportunity come to me today.  It came to me not only because I’m myself, but I’ve worked for 4 hard years training and working every job I could to gain experience and skill.  I was my own free intern, sometimes paid, but would show up even if I wasn’t.  I showed up. I was myself. I used to tell all my girls on stage that they needed “relaxed confidence”.  That was the most important skill.  When I am truly myself and show it magical things happen.IMAG2348
So today maybe I will shave my other leg, or maybe I will continue with my leg hair growing experiment…. I haven’t decided, but when I do it will be MY decision.


About Vanessa Bednar

I am an actor, a writer, a producer, a mom, an adventurer.

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