Stop Winning People Over

It’s always hard to remember, but it always lurks in the back of my mind: We are our own worst enemies. I can be perfectly happy and then 5 seconds later a thought will come in my mind, I WILL TWIST IT into something negative and my world spirals downward.  Recently I told a friend some good news. The reply was:” how am I supposed to feel?” It struck a nerve because I instantly replied with :”HAPPY!”. I wish my brain would reply with that to myself most of the time(unless of course if it’s a tragedy)…. But it doesn’t. I over think…constantly…I am a rollercoaster of emotions. While I usually do what I want, get what I want too much, and overall don’t care what the majority of the population thinks about it…… I do crave approval from certain people and probably not the ones I should. Plus, maybe it’s not craving their approval, wanting it, needing it, but manipulating until I get it even if it is not truly the opinion of the ones I desire it from. Forever in fear of making certain people mad…. Terrified even. I think I need to learn that it is OK for all people to be mad at me for occasional silly things I do. If they are my friends they always get over it. I need to stop wanting to “win over” people that are on the fence about me and ACKNOWLEDGE AND APPRECIATE the people that are and have always been by my side that I never had to win over. Boy there is going to be lots of realizations being stuck on this mountain for a month..

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About Vanessa Bednar

I am an actor, a writer, a mom, an adventurer.

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