I had to stop being sick and get my ass in gear to clean my house after 24 hours because I was having people over (the cast and crew of the webseries I was in, Involuntarily single..yeah). It was rough. I could have stayed in bed for days. Saturday night I had a serious plan if things got bad to just call the ambulance because I knew if that came I wouldn’t have to wait in the waiting room. Anyhoo… noon on Sunday I got my ass out of bed and cleaned my damn house and it was shitty dirty…. My house looks so good even after the party I just wish it would stay this way…. cue kid destruction and my using 20 glasses a day habit because of my imaginary mouth germs. When I was in bed and when I was out of bed cleaning I thought about a lot of shit and when people came over I LISTENED… A LOT. Unless I would be asked a specific question I would ask others about their lives and at one point we went around the room with everyone answering the question if they could make or be in one one project what would it be? What is there dream? Some people were SO specific……I mean they had thought about this shit before A LOT…. some people said stuff their partner was unaware of. I gave my standard response of ” I just want to work”…. ” If I said “Do you want some coffee?” every day on set I could live just fine off the pay and the residuals. I really have got in the point of my life of living int he NOW.. the present. I know I bitch and complain about my health and money and other shit. However, I really am happy with where I am in my life. I feel like I have accomplished a lot. I feel fulfilled. I mean I DID make it into a Blockbuster before they closed all the stores down…. (Childhood dream)… or (Adult Dream). … AND ON THE PYRAMID as a contestant (HUGE DREAM)….. Even a few moths ago I had lists of things I needed like new pictures, or updating my reel, getting stuff done for my book (testimonials, website, blog, agent, publisher, book cover), food for my new diet, Sedonas ballet classes, postcards, should I do workshops, get a part time job…more auditions…. blah blah… I don’t have a list anymore. There is still stuff that needs to be done, but I know it will in time.
Listening to my friends at the party I know they have lists of things they want to do. I know some are stressed in their life and feel like need to accomplish so much more. I also felt some felt a need to change themselves. They don’t. There is only one of them. They are unique. Capitalize on who you are. Don’t change who you are. I know I am fabulous, but even I doubt who I am and stuff I have done occasionally .. mostly because a couple people like to pipe in that Im doing it wrong and to take some stuff off youtube or facebook. Then I have to think about it…… and I usually come up with NO….. This is who I am. I don’t think who I am is going to cost me any more jobs than I would have not gotten or even been in the running for anyway. If anything who I am will get me more jobs because people know who I am, what I am capable of, and how to find me….. Google baby….. I tag myself in everything I do. Yes, auditions have been slow for me, but I know my agent and managers are good because my son gets lots:) I did doubt myself with my book and I still get overwhelmed with all the stuff I need to do, but I did it. I wrote it. I paid a wonderful professional editor to edit it. It is done. This is what it is. Now if a publisher picks it up and I have to do a rewrite I will take into account all the notes from various people I have received, as they are all great notes and I am thankful they took the time to read my book and write them. However, for now.. this is it. Like it or don’t- read it or don’t. I wrote the book I wanted to write and it has helped not just me, but my family and I know it will help some other people out there if only a small demographic. I can’t get much more authentic than my book, my youtube videos, my blog, or my Facebook posts. This is who I am. Show the real you. Be confident in yourself. People aren’t looking to hire needy people for their projects. They want to come into a project that is already great. IT IS GREAT as long as you put the time in and YOU think it is GREAT. YOU ARE GREAT JUST THE WAY YOU ARE. Put your true self out there and people looking will find you…. And that means…. put yourself out there so people can find you. They won’t know who you are if you keep it to yourself on the couch. You have unlimited tools in your fingertips with Social media…. use it.