Running out of eggs? ahhh

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    You know you have done it right when:
    1. You are not picked up / left at the airport cause the person picking you up is afraid to look bad.
    2. You overwhelm someone so much they leave the state for the weekend and its not even the state you are in.
    3. A person who disconnected with you and blamed you finds your necklace and “other stuff”after 6 months even though said person lives in a one bedroom…See More
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    Awkward….. stage mommy
    Photo: Awkward..... stage mommy
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    KIDS: Last week my hormone doctor asked me if I was still getting my period. I was shocked. I responded with a…”aaahhh yeah”. He countered with: “Is it regular, on time, ect?” again I said; “ahhh yeah!” Since this call I have been not freaking out…. but yeah…. freaking concerned. Not having anymore kids was always MY choice. I had my tubes tied after Jett because I knew (at the time) I only could emotionally and physically handle two kids. And I was 100% right. The baby years were excruciatingly hard for me. What the hell do you do with them? Feed them, change them, burp them, nap them….then what? They dont talk back, what do you do with them? Plus they are fragile. Sedona almost smothered herself one night stuck in between two beds and Jett fell head first off a 4 feet high swing set structure. I want to note that I love my kids. They are the only reason I breath. Sedona gave me my life back and Jett brought me back humor and joy. I think now, OMG I’m glad I started early getting knocked up with Sedona at 25 and Jett Like 30. But then it was a definite question if I had made the right decision. I desperately wanted to be an actor. Plus we were traveling A LOT with Hawaiian Tropic. We were living in Palm Springs commuting 3 times a week for auditions in LA and I desperately wanted to move closer, but house prices were just out of control. We were looking every week end and someone was always besting us. 
    Reasons I got knocked up.
    #1 My cousin who is a year younger got his wife knocked up. He was YOUNGER than me. I ALWAYS did everything first. This was unacceptable.
    #2 Annette Bennings Acadamy Award speech (I know fitting) said in part and I quote:” Dont wait to have kids.”
    #3 I was having an emotional breakdown/ break through finally seeing a psychiatrist about my fathers suicide, was put on Paxil, and LIFE was very important to me.
    Reasons I thought this was a good idea
    #1 Why not
    #2 Ill just pop it out and go right back to auditioning
    What actually happened
    #1 I was too hot in Palm Springs so on a whim I bought a house found on the internet and moved to Montana
    #2 Was stuck there for more than my “2 year plan” cause the move nearly bankrupted us.
    #3 Gained 70 pounds
    #4 Cut off all my hair when Steve went out for milk.
    # 5 slept constantly and got maternal diabetes from eating a gallon of mint chocolate chip ice cream, a sleeve of Oreos, and a box of Eggo waffles daily
    #6 Had no friends or family there and was very depressed.
    #7 child birth was hell as they had no epidurals there.
    Why I stayed in Montana:
    1. I found Friends…Amy amongst them who I thought my life could be the idylic Little House on the Prarie/ Brady Bunch/ that show with Opie …and every other small town show esque life style. 
    2. We were traveling still all over just toting Sedona along with us. One is much different than two…..
    3. Started to build on and on and on to the Montana house….

    Anyway… to cut this post short:) I had my tubes tied with Jett. I lost all the weight. Some stuff happened which made me realize life is short. I went back in therapy and on prozac. I desperately wanted my own life and wanted to get back to acting. My very successful fun job was eliminated. I found the perfect house on the perfect street with the perfect neighbors in Burbank. I am back to acting. I have accomplished a lot in a short time. There is still a long way to go. I am very happy career wise even though I am broke and need a vacation.

    Back to the query at hand. I am going to become infertile…. What if I had waited as quite a few of my friends did. I would be in a panic right now to get knocked up. Even though my dream career took a break I’m glad I didnt let the ney sayers stop my from getting knocked up when I did. Yeah I dont have an arm load of credits on IMDB, but I will get there. Yes, there is A LOT of competition out there with other women my age that stayed in LA and did not move to Montana for 9 years and travel producing and hosting the model search for Hawaiian Tropic. However, what I have they dont…… Really a life time of amazing experiences and two of THE best kids I could ever possibly hope for. So thank you, Annette, Cousin Scott, Dad, and Amy for continuing to pop out kids so I popped out Jett.
    Yet the facts remain….. I am going to be infertile soon! What If I change my mind and want more kids? I need to freeze my eggs. I just need about 10k:)
    Moral and my advice: have kids. they change your perspective on life, they bring you joy. I held on to such stupid grudges from childhood like when a girl stepped on my hair in Kindergarten. I hated her for that and I never let it go until last year when some girl did something silly to Sedona….. I was a kid…. its ridiculous… let it go! Thats what kids will teach you among other things… TO LET THINGS GO. So…. I dont think I can let go of MY EGGS!

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About Vanessa Bednar

I am an actor, a writer, a mom, an adventurer.

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